In one way or another, we all have certain things in life that we want to run away from—a void that we have been trying so hard to avoid or fill it with other things instead. We end up pouring ourselves in our work, drowning out the things we need to confront. In this episode, host Kat Nieh helps us face our fear of the void. She guides us to confront the parts of our life that have become unbalanced because of it. Sharing her personal experience, Kat shares insights on the things workaholic mentally encounter and how you can miss out on the life you’ve always wanted through avoidance. Read more and learn about dealing with your void.
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[ Episode 3 ] What’s your void?
I want to have a heart to heart conversation with you today. What I want to ask is what is that void you’ve been trying so hard to fill or even avoid using work? Work is so easy to you. It’s predictable. It’s familiar. You know exactly what to do to get what needs to get done to achieve success. It’s like a skillset you honed so well that it comes so natural to you. Because it’s so easy, you start juggling more and more, and you are using this as a way to prove yourself into other people that you’re highly capable. You got this all down. You know exactly what to do. Of course, that grows confidence which ends up fueling your ego and pride. This turns into a challenge to see how you could problem solve so quickly and easily all the stuff that’s going on at work that it becomes an addiction of some sort. You have your blinders on, and you don’t see anything else around you besides the work you have to do. Nothing else ends up mattering anymore.
My question to you is, “What is the void that you’ve been trying so hard to fill or even avoid? What are you trying to run away from?”
I know work is easy, so you dive all in just to avoid dealing with this void that you have. I know that void scares you so much that you’d rather focus on the easiest thing for you to grasp, even though it’s completely burning you out. My dear workaholics, this is how your life becomes unbalanced. Your emphasis is placed completely on your work and on the part that you understand so well that the other parts of your life might seem non-existent or fairly weak. It’s time to take a hard look at your void now, my dear workaholics. The void will always catch up to you somehow, it’s just a matter of when.
I know it so well because while I was within the first year of me working at my old job that I broke up with my boyfriend at that time. After I broke up with him, I had such a void in my life that I didn’t know what else to do and I wanted to get over him. I dived completely head-on into work. Work got busy. Work got exciting. Work became so fulfilling for me that it’s all I focused. I also hung out with the same friends that I work with at the same company. My entire life at that point was revolving around work. As the years went on and the work start being unfulfilling anymore, it made me take a hard look at my life, especially after I quit, too. I revolved my entire life around work. I didn’t have that romantic relationship that I wanted to be in. I didn’t dedicate any time to it. That was my void! Even though I wanted to be in a relationship with someone, I didn’t put in the time and the effort because I was focusing on what I did best and what I knew best.The void scares you so much that you'd rather focus on the easiest thing for you to grasp even though it's completely burning you out. Click To Tweet
The reason why I’m mentioning this is because you don’t want to wait until retirement to live the life that you’ve always wanted. You don’t want to wait to face your shadows, your triggers, or your void, because no matter what happens around you, your void is that shadow that will always be there. You see it, and you don’t want to deal with it, but it’s there. It’s uncomfortable to face because it feels hard. I didn’t want to deal with it, but I realize that it’s so important to deal with that uncomfort. At the other side when you’ve overcome it, it is so rewarding and a massive relief that you also got that part of your life figured out as well. It’s not a void anymore.
I like to use this analogy. It’s like putting a round peg in a square hole. Sure, the round peg fits in the square hole, but you had little corners that are completely unfilled. There are those gaps and those gaps are your void. It doesn’t completely feel right. You have to find the proper peg for the proper hole, no matter how difficult it seems. You might have all these pieces scattered all around you or you might not be able to find it at the moment. I know that is definitely possible because it’s so rewarding filling the entire board of your life with all the proper pieces in place. That is how you live your dream life. That is how you feel complete. It’s not by forcing things that are not meant to be or pretending that the voids aren’t there at all.
How do you find the proper peg? My dear workaholics, you need to slam on the brakes… right now. Stop to reevaluate everything that’s going on in your life. You need to stop and look. You have to realize that this isn’t what your life should look like. The first step and the biggest step is awareness. Yup, awareness is the key. The more you’re aware and the more you’re separating yourself from your circumstances, it gives you the opportunity to see what’s going on with your life. That allows you to take a step back because you can’t see the bigger picture until you do that. You had to take off your blinders, too. You can’t leave that on, because you can’t see what’s going on in your peripheral vision. Step back and take a look at the bigger picture and evaluate, “Is this what you want? Are you happy with your life? What is the void that you’re trying to fill?”
After doing that, I want you to take a deep, long breath. It’s uncomfortable. You have to see and look at all these different parts of your life that you don’t want to look at. You have to look at it from a calm and clear-headed state. If you’re emotional, if you’re filling avoidant, that doesn’t help because you’re just going to continue that cycle of, “I’m going to avoid dealing with it.” By being in that state allows you to take a look at what you want and figure out what is missing from your life. What are you working so hard to achieve? What are you missing out on trying to achieve that? Do you feel like you’ve lost your way? When did that happen?
The exciting thing is that you could always change your choices going forward. It’s never too late. Everything can be remedied, everything could be fixed. You need to refocus on your priority on what truly matters to you. It takes effort, but if it’s truly what you want and what you value, isn’t the fight for it so worth the effort? This is like any type of course correction. You’ve got to stop, see what’s going on and then realize, “I got lost. How do I get back on track?” All you have to do is refocus your ambition towards your true priorities. By doing so, you’ll be able to achieve all that you’re working towards. Because I know you’re workaholic, nothing can stop you once you put your mind to it. So put your mind to this! Refocus all your amazing dedication, passion and focus on figuring out your void and filling this gap that you have. Take the time to live within and refocus your energy towards filling that gap. I’m here to tell you that no matter where you are on your journey, it is absolutely possible. It’s never too late for you. It’s exactly the right time.You could always change your choices going forward. It's never too late. Click To Tweet
You can have everything that you want in your life. You just need to take the first crucial steps to believe that you can do it. Even though things could get hard, know that it will pass. It’s like learning a new skillset. Things are difficult in the beginning, but once you figured out how to handle it and solve it, you know how to move it forward. It’s through these challenges that you’d get to discover what truly matters to you. Once you get to the other side, all those things you had to endure to get there will make sense. You chuckle and laugh like, “That wasn’t that bad,” because you finally got what you wanted and you’re so much stronger for it.
You have to believe that you could do it and know that you know what you want in your life. You just have to take the time to look within yourself for the answers. If you need help or guidance, ask for it. Find people who have achieved it or find coaches who could help you through the process.
Remember, I had eight or nine coaches that covered every aspect of my life. You could definitely find a coach for whatever you’re working through. You could find a friend, a mentor or a role model for what you’re trying to do. Through that, you could fill this void and move forward in life so much happier.
You got this, my dear workaholics.
P.S. This episode is actually a chapter in my book, which is also called Dear Workaholics, and you could buy it on Amazon. Know that you could also click on the “Book” and “Bonus Bonuses” and find out more information and details.