In one way or another, we all have outrageous desires aka bucket list items that we want to check off. Today, Kat Nieh gives importance to your desires by pushing us to do them. She talks about how this is an important tool towards self-alignment and living the life you love and deserve. She also points out the kind of understanding you need towards other people who discourage you, and shares how to give importance to your desires and not let anyone rain on your parade.
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[ Episode 6 ] Outrageous… desires?
I want to talk to you about desires—namely your outrageous ones. What are these outrageous desires I keep on talking about? They are commonly known as your bucket list. When you say the term bucket list, doesn’t that just sound morbid or have this sense of dread that comes with that? These are things that you do before you “kick the bucket”? These are things that you wish you’d done, so you don’t have any regrets when you’re at your deathbed? Screw that! I do not want that! I want a list that makes me come alive!!! I want to celebrate the awesomeness this world has to offer!! I want it to be exciting and fun!!! So I came up with my own term for it and I’m calling it my “outrageous desires list”! (Yes, all these statements required an exclamation mark at the end of them. I would even add in more!)
If you look up the word desire in the dictionary, it says “a strong feeling of wanting to have something happen or wishing for something to happen.” I wanted to remove the word wish there because with the outrageous desires list, it’s not just a wish list. Let’s change that. Look at it as this is your choose to-do list. This isn’t the meek “Oh, that would be nice if I could do that” sentiment. This is something that would make you come alive! These desires are your soul’s powerful guiding light. It is what fuels you. It is what makes you happy because this list is for you. It’s not anyone else’s. This is yours! Don’t let anyone else tell you your desires aren’t right for you, because whatever desires you have, they are perfect for you—not anyone else but you. Well, as long as you don’t do any harm to anyone else, go for it. Run with it. See where it takes you!
All of us have this general list tallying up and running in our head anyway, so why not do more than just think about it? Write it down, look at it, add some intention to it, and make it happen. Remember, this isn’t not your meek “oh, that would be nice if I did this.” Be sure to turn that into “I am going to make this happen because this makes me happy.” Recognizing your desires is the first step, and that is the most important one and the most fun one as well.
Let’s go to the word outrageous. What makes a desire outrageous? If you look up the dictionary for the word outrageous, it says “shockingly bad or excessive, wildly exaggerated or improbable, very bold, unusual and startling.” If you look at some of the synonyms, they are “shocking, scandalous, incredible, extravagant, implausible, dazzling, eye-catching and startling”.
Isn’t that interesting? Doesn’t it have this mix of bad but good and exciting that goes with that word? The reason why I intentionally labeled it as outrageous is that when you declare it as outrageous, you have this firm determination attached to it. You’re doing it because it’s what you want. You don’t care what other people think. Any of your fear, doubts, or any judgment that comes up, all that is thrown out the window. You are driven to do it precisely because it’s out of the norm. It’s out of your comfort zone. It’s something that you want. You have that strong feeling within you to make it happen.Don’t let anyone else tell you your desires aren't right for you, because whatever desires you have are perfect for you. Click To Tweet
I know it’s easy to have other people’s opinions affect how we think of ourselves and our desires, because we seek approval. They might judge you. They might criticize you for the desires that you have by calling them exactly improbable, bad, excessive and shocking. Take a step back and look at this. Are the people who are saying that to you living their dream lives? Would you consider modeling your life after their lives? Have you actually considered whether their opinions are truly worth listening to? The reason why I ask you all that is because you are boldly jumping out of your comfort zone and that will absolutely trigger people to face their own circumstances—their own truths of their own lives. It’s brutal and scary. It makes them uncomfortable. They’ll lash out. I’m also speaking from experience, too. That’s why I had to let it go and not worry about what they thought.
It was more about what made me come alive. What was more important to me is that I stayed firm in my own decisions and knowing these are the desires that I want and something that I want to achieve. They’re my desires! It’s not theirs. This is my life, not theirs. I’ve learned to look at this different perspective instead: Flip it and say “thank you for giving me your opinion.” Then let go of any of the negativity they might have from it. Take it as: “I’m pushing their boundaries. This might be their own stories that they’ve told themselves that they couldn’t do. That doesn’t mean that I can’t do it.”
Don’t hold onto any of that anger, frustration or annoyance from the experience when you talk about your desires. Honestly, it’s not worth being upset about. Why taint your desire with anyone else’s negativity on it? If you give up on your own dreams and your own desires, they win. Recognize that it was their choice to live the life that they did. They made the choices that they needed for themselves, but that doesn’t mean it has to be your choice as well.
I know this part is scary, especially if you have a people-pleasing side. Know that it’s okay that all that fear, all that judgment, all that worry not being liked, and worried about what they’re going to think will totally come up. But it’s all going to be okay. You can let all that go. Sure, it’ll take some practice but it’ll get easier over time. Know that at the other end of the tunnel, it is an absolutely liberating feeling when you get the hang of it. When you don’t let any of that bother you anymore, you just continue running ahead with your amazing outrageous desires.
On the other hand, it’s not that everyone in your life is trying to put you down and trying to feed you their limiting beliefs about themselves. With exceptions of acquaintances, who I’m not even talking about here, talk about your friends and family who you’re talking to your outrageous desires about. Know that if they are not supportive or if they don’t understand where you’re coming from, know that deep down they are coming from a well-meaning place. They are considering having your best interest at heart. They’re coming from their perspective of wanting to protect you and make sure you’re okay. Because when you are choosing to fulfill all these outrageous desires of yours to create the amazing life that you want, you’re taking risks. You are pushing past the boundaries that you have of yours and theirs. You’re dangling courageously beyond your normal limits. It’s normal that they’ll worry about you. They genuinely don’t want to see you get hurt. They don’t want to see you fail, run out of money or have some other bad things happen to you.You carry enough of your own judgment, doubt, procrastination and fear already. Why are you carrying someone else's at the same time? Click To Tweet
It’s because of that rumor and the belief that horrible things happen in the world when you step outside of your comfort zone, especially if you step beyond theirs. They’re just trying to protect you. The best way to work with your overly-protective friends and family is to understand them and know that they’re coming from a good place. Even though the delivery of their message might not sound like it, remember that they do love you. Let them know that you appreciate their concerns. Send them plenty of love and gratitude for caring about you so much and then tell them you can take care of yourself. Remind them that you are an adult. You are highly capable of making your own decisions and you will take responsibility for your own actions. By being firm in your own beliefs and your desires, they’ll back off. They’ll eventually come around to it, because your outrageous desires list is a non-negotiable with only yourself. Let other people’s opinions be theirs and stay theirs. You carry enough of your own judgment, doubt, procrastination and fear already when it comes to your own outrageous desires. Why are you carrying someone else’s at the same time?
Know that these outrageous desires of yours are just another tool in a toolbox to help you be aligned with a life that you truly desire, a life that you want to live. Let your outrageous desires fuel your soul and make them wild, bold, dazzling and comfort-zone expanding. Show the people around you how much you could come alive by fulfilling your outrageous desires and how much fun it is to complete them. As you share your stories of you completing your outrageous desires and telling people about them, people will be in awe. Yes, you can inspire others, too. By sharing your experiences, you inspire them to pursue their own desires because you’re showing them how possible it is. Be sure to encourage them, because you have experienced how amazing it is to have support in achieving your outrageous desires. You know how amazing it feels to fulfill yours.Let your outrageous desires fuel your soul. Make them wild, bold, dazzling, and comfort-zone expanding. Inspire others by fulfilling yours. Click To Tweet
Encourage other people and tell them how amazing it is. They’ll eventually come around and change their skeptical mindset about it because they see you. You are out there doing exactly what brings you happy regardless of what they think. Go ahead, start writing down your outrageous desires on a list and see what comes up. Go bold. Go wild. Go completely out there and see what is on your list. Don’t filter it. Don’t worry about “is this possible? Can I really do this?” Don’t even worry about that. Get it down on paper. Don’t filter, and see what comes up. After you’re done, look at your list.
See if it makes you come alive. It makes you excited and happy and pumped about life that you can’t wait to go out and do it because that’s what happened to me. After I wrote down my list, I got so excited. I checked off so many off my list within the first few months that I had to continue to add more because I was inspired going “this is totally possible. Let me think of more that I want on my list.”
Get ideas from other people. Ask your friends or ask your family. Google it. There are plenty of amazing ideas out there. If you need inspiration, go for it. There’s nothing wrong with it. Always know that whatever is on your list, that could change, too, as your life changes. Things might not inspire you as much anymore and it’s okay to let go of those things on your list. Say “thank you for inspiring me, but I have another one that inspires me so much more that I want to do that one instead.” Be okay to let go of desires that no longer resonate with you.
Alright, I now challenge you to come up with 30 of your own fantastic outrageous desires. Go for it!
You got this and I’m here with you.